Gods on Gods

Gods on Gods Issue #1: Tordek on…

Keagro: He's kinda creepy, but sometimes dead chicks are fuckin' hot. I'd fuck the living shit outta zombie bitch, and Keagro always brings the best brew.

Boccob: HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH!~!!!!!

Wee Jas: Reference what I said earlier 'bout dead bitches. Dude, she let me put it in her eye socket!!! True story, brah!

Tiamat/Bahamut: Dude, fuck no. They invited me to a three-way once. Never gonna have any of THAT again, I fuckin' tell ya what man!!!!

Bahamut was cool though, a real snuggly motherfucker. Tiamat though? Shit, that's why I KNOW his balls are made outta platinum.

Jacob P. Galvatron: INTERWEBS NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!

Aphrodite: Yes, please.

Kord: FIGHTING NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!! Besides, battle's MY thing, bro!

Narcissism: STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF, FOREVER ALONE NERRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!

Jacob P. Galvatron (again): ::whispers:: he gives me my porn, man. Straight off the webs, bro. Every time my 'puter breaks down, that nigger shows up and is all "HEY, WHERES THE BITCHES AT?!" Fuckin' nerd doesn't realize I fuckin' KNOW he broke my computer simply to show up and fuck my people. So hey, we're fuckin' balanced dawg. Plus it's kinda fun when he says "ALIMONEEEEEEH!", but he can't rap for shit.

Oyamatsumi: HIPPY NERRRRRRRD, he gives me free dank. Fuckin' kine nugz too, bro.

Amaterasu: Shit, I'd WRECK dat ass if I ever got a chance. She's all shut up in the Imperial Palace like she's fuckin' Juliet or Rapunzel or some stupid shit like that. Someday, I'm gonna bust down them doors and do to her what her son Yamato-no-Orochi couldn't do with all eight penises and a fuckin' ARMY dawg.

Y'know, give her a fuckin' earth-shattering orgasm.

…shit, now I'm all hard n' shit!

Brodia: I dunno, man, ain't that like a legend, or some shit? I can't put my penis in a legend, motherfucker, it doesn't exist, doyyyeee. But I bet she'd be FINE AS FUCK, y'knowwhatImean?! FUCK YEAH, MAN!

The Infernals: DEMON NERRRRRRRDS! Fucked the hell outta them bitches though, FUCK YEAH!!!!! THAT'S FOR KEEPIN' ME OUTTA HELL, BITCH, WHAT YOU CAN'T HANDLE MY SHIT?! FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!

Rizer: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK, motherfucker knows the BEST bitches!!!!

The Four Kings of Hell: Pfffft, motherfuckers can't handle their alcohols.

Youses - BLACKSMIIIIIIIITH! Motherfucker's crazy as hell, and fun as fuck to listen to!

Maester Caliban Yoshida - CRAZY NERRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!

The Fujiyama Clan - Gonna catch 'em all, yeah. And when I'm the fuckin' Pokemon Master, I"m gonna put my dick in ALL a'em!!!!

Loki/The Dragon Circus - What the fuck, dude! Moms are wimmenz, man, if they're YER mom! Yer not supposed to diddle yer mommy, dude!!!! Even if she is as hot as yours is!! Yeah, we know we all can't be Tordek, Father of Tordek, Son of Tordek, Progenitor of Tordek…but hey, maybe someday your balls will be as big as yer dads. Apparently yer mom thought so!

Riff-Raff - FUCKING EVILLLLL NERRRRRRRD!!!!!

Harkonnen Kraze - That broad's straight as hell, man! Just, fuckin' straight, man!!!! Hell, she got us that law that lets Tordekians rave wherever the fuck they want to! Fuck yeah, I got a place in Tordek Heaven saved just for her if she ever wants to visit now that she's dead!!

Chao - So, fuckin' true story, bro, true story! Kurt Russel kicked Lo Pan's ass, right? But Lo Pan is, like, still kinda alive…so I'm all, "Hey, dude, you wanna fuckin' hang?" We've been hangin' since then, man, me and Lo Pan, fuck YEAH Big Trouble In Little China! Wha, Chao? HIs name's Chao now? My head priest, what? Duuuuuuude, this fuckin' opium's killer mixed with tiger penis, man!!!!!! FUCK YEAH OPIUM!!!!!!

Gervais Saint-Germain - Fucker got me into Binky's. FUCK YEAH, GSG'S MY NIGGA, DAWG!!!!!!!!!!!

Undine Strata - Dude, one time she let us rave on the satellite! On the fuckin' SATELLITE, man!!!!!! Fuck yeah, chica fuckin' ROCKS!

Ballard Stern - Isn't he that guy from Heavy Metal? Y'know, that awesome fuckin' cartoon movie with Sammy Hagar and John Candy and hot bitches and titties everywhere?!!! Fuck yeah, I love that movie! I'm gonna go watch Heavy Metal now…

Karma/Kali-Yula - FUUUUUUUUUUUCK! YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD.

Dicey - PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!!

Kord (from Ogre's game) - KOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!! ::moshes::

Special: Tordek on Unit 13 (current)

Alita - Y'know, she's a real up-and-comer. I always knew she was fated for great things, let's not even point out her truly superior upbringing and gene-pool! No, what makes her my first draw pick was, quite simply, her professionalism in getting the job done, her effeciency at work, and her skillful, outside-the-box approach to otherwise sticky combat situations that would normally frustrate, if not outright kill, lesser combatants.

Plus she's got a GREAT fuckin' body, man! Just…fuckin' stellar. And now that she's goin' Nun? Oh fuck YES I wanna give her my penis! Literally!!!!

Miss Lay - She fuckin' confuses me. I wanna ball her so bad I'm fuckin' blue all over, but she's a n-n-neeeeeeeerd!!! Even worse, she's a fuckin' Boccobian?! FUCK, what the fuck man?!!!! Fuckin' hot nerd-bitches….

Sly - Dude, chill back, take the toke that Oyamatsumi brought, and just…fuckin' chill the fuck out. Plus he's a gambler-nerd now, too.

Delila - WANNA BALL HER HNNNNNNNNNG I bet she gives great fuckin' handjobs!!!!!

Dabu - Dude, that chick's hot too! Dude, why are there so many fuckin' hot chicks in the new Unit 13? Wait, what'd you say 'bout that chick, Dabu? Wuddya mean I need to look again…

Oni Kitsune - TRADITIONAL NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!! Dead too. DEAD NERRRRRRRRRRRRRD! Didn't he make a bunch of zombie prostitutes or somethin'? Zombie cyborg hookers? I gotta find one and ball it.

Northboy - Motherfucker smells familiar. He smells kinda…crazy….nerd….

Choucho - GOD I FUCKING LOVE TEENAGERS gonnaraperaperaperaperaperape….wait, what do you mean? IRONS?! GODAMMIT DUDE, YOU'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING STRAIGHT, GODOMMIT!!!!!! Still, high five, bro!

Squirt - Ain't she, like, still in junior high or somethin'? Wait, she's Miyoko Tanaka's cousin? Shit, shit's gonna look fuckin' GOOD in, like, five years! Where'd she go, anyway…?

Dug the Croatian-Serbian - Didn't that motherfucker eat a lazer or somethin'? Where the hell did he go? Fuckin' dug his gremlin though! HAH, get it?! DUG! HIS GREMLIN! HE'S NAMED DUG, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

Matsu O'Doyle - Dude, when'd the fuckin' KKK show up?! THEY WANT THEIR SHEETS BACK, YOU HIPPY-NERRRRRD!!!! Ain't he Oyamatsumi's bro? DUDE, I just noticed, Matsu…OyaMATSUmi…huh…ain't that ironic, huh?

Mikki Moribito - DUDE, DON'T FIST ANDROID CHICKS!!!!! She seems to have a wicked right straight, though, and that's kinda cool…

T.K. - Fuck, ain't that that motherfucker what Bathmat won't shut the fuck up about? Or is that that other motherfucker? He'd be cooler if he checked a rave or two…dig his fuckin' transformer-powersuit-thing though. Y'know, the thiiiiing…god, now I gotta watch Iron Man all over again.

Afro Kamen - DUUUUUUUDE, motherfucker was fuckin' AWESOME at the last Goetzmon!!!!! Dude, I saw him choke out Hulk Hogan once, seriously!!! And I fuckin' DIG Hulk Hogan!!! ::rips off his shirt:: Hey, Afro, why don't you try THESE fuckin' guns, huh? What, you'll beat up on The Hulk and you ain't down to take on the fuckin' Hulk Nation?!! YER BRINGIN' OUT THE HULKAMANIACS, BROTHER, AND I'LL FUCKIN' SHOW YOU WHATS UP, OHHHH YEAAAAH! C'MON DOWN TO MY PLACE, MOTHERFUCKER, COME TO MOUNT FUJI AND WE'LL FUCKIN' HAVE A GOOD TIME, MOTHERFUCKER! ON NATIONAL T.V.! I'M LOOKIN' FOR YOU, MOTHERFUCKER, BETTER WATCH YER BACK AT THE GOETZMON OR I'MMA FUCK YOUSE UP, BROTHA, OHHHH YEAH!!!!!!!

Special: Tordek on Unit 13 (The Old Guard)

Harkonnen Kraze - Don't hate. I'll fuck your shit up if you talk smack 'bout her.

Odin/Dorian Matsumoto - FUCK YEAH ODIN!!!!! HOW CAN A NERD BE SO FUCKIN' COOL?!!!!! DUDE DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID TO THE MAGIC GUILD, HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS FUCKIN' AWESOME! I BLESSED IT, MAN, I BLESSED SOMETHING A NERD DID, GODAMMIT FUCKING GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Jack the Ripper/Father O'Doyle - Jack's a fuckin' BRO, man! Motherfucker's got some serious Freddy Kreuger bullshit goin' on. Dunno 'bout when he went all Priestly and what-not: I kept makin' jokes that he'd be like that comic, but he stopped laughin' at me. I miss ya bro. ::pours a fifth::

Shizune Hattori/Hanzo Hattori the 13th - Y'know, true story, we made love. Not even, like, fucked. She just, fuckin', raped me. We were chillin', drinkin' that weird ninja alcohols and what-not, then she just raped the shit outta me. My fuckin' pelvis bones miss her.

Major Sandra Heidern - Ishimoto - MAH GIRL, fuck yeah, you down with the Sandra?! She'll fuck yer shit UP, bro!!!!!! Fuck yeah, I got her back, I got her back, her front, her sides, whatever the fuck she wants me to HOLD, dawg!!!

Isabella the Red / Fujiko Ishimoto - Umezawa - Dude, why isn't she a Battle Valkyrie yet?! G'damn, man, I need to taste her AGAIN now, thanks!!!

Quentin Gunna / Josuke Ishimoto - Dude, is that guy up for recruitin'?! Fuckin', someone sign that motherfucker, QUICK!!!!!

Trouble - CHAOS NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!

Hachiko Masaharu - WEIRD NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!

Rizer: Dude, I've had several three-ways with him and his delicious lady, and even had a few one-on-one stag sessions. Bro went out like a true Tordekian, man.

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